My World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health Day. You want to know how I celebrated? By going to the doctor because I was everything but okay. My anxiety has been running rampant and ruining my life and I got fed up with it. So I went to my doctor who promptly put me on another mood stabilizer and anti-anxiety medication.

What can we take from this? It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to struggle sometimes. And it’s okay to seek help. It doesn’t make you weak or stupid. It makes you strong and willful.

I have been struggling with bipolar disorder and anxiety for a long time and it is anything but a cake walk. I struggle to find joy in things, I pace back and forth in my house, I have a hard time getting to sleep because of racing thoughts. It’s hard. But I keep pushing forward because that’s the only way I’m going to break the cycle.

Keep pushing. Keep going. Stay strong. Because tomorrow is worth seeing, and you are worth being here.

New Project

Hey guys,

I’m going to be starting a new project to help others and myself by talking about tough issues that can be difficult to talk about in person. Whether it’s mental illness, an eating disorder, tough times at home, bullying, loss, etc. I want this site to be a safe place for people to express themselves and have a support group. 

To start it all off, I will ask anyone who wants to participate to pick a topic that they want to focus on. We will explore healthy ways to deal with our issues, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. (This will more than likely be a first come first serve project OR I will focus on the most popular topics first. Keep in mind I am just getting this started and will take some time to learn how to organize it all so please, bear with me!)

I will write posts covering how I am impacted by certain things and how I personally cope with issues. Obviously, different people will have different opinions on these things. This is just to share and to show that you are NEVER alone. There will always be someone fighting by your side. 💪🏻

That is what I want this project to be: A strong team of people who will be supportive of each other. I know talking about this stuff can be scary, but we will work through it together. ✌😊

If you have any questions or suggested topics already, feel free to contact me. 
DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a medical professional or a trained psychologist. I speak purely from experience and how I personally do or would deal with these issues. You should speak to a medical professional if you feel you need help or contact one of the many free hotlines available 24/7. 

It’s been a while.

Hello all,

It’s been a while since I’ve been on again and lately I have been having some pretty rough days. I am off of my medication and it has been a struggle re-adjusting to the full strength of my bipolar disorder. I have gotten better at recognizing when I am about to have an episode, but that doesn’t necessarily make it easier to deal with it. I have moments where I get frustrated with friends, especially if they try to tell me to calm down. I don’t mean to get upset, I just don’t like being told to control my emotions when it is so hard for me to do so to begin with. I’ve been trying so hard to control everything and it tends to lead me into a spiral when I try too hard. I  want to be a stable person, I want to be able to live a normal life, but that isn’t really a possible reality for me anymore. Normal for me is masking my emotions for as long as I can, trying to avoid things that could trigger an episode, and hoping that I can make it through the day. I know this is more of a venting post, but I feel like I needed to say this.

Hot Topic Point: Mood Swings

Oh, my favorite. Mood swings are a part of life, yes, but there is an entirely different brand of mood swing when you suffer from a mood disorder.

When dealing with a mood disorder, we know that we can be more sensitive to triggers. When triggered, we can snap at our loved ones, cry uncontrollably, or experience other extreme emotions. While we may be aware of our mood disorders, it can be hard to gauge just how severely our swings can hit (for those of us that are lucky enough to be able to know when they will hit).

When going through mood swings and knowing what we have done after the fact, it can be easy for us to blame ourselves. Personally, I feel like the biggest asshole in the world after I have had a mood swing. I tend to snap at the people I care about and I always end up hating myself for it.

While we have to learn to manage our feelings as best as we can, we cannot blame ourselves for being human and actually having feelings. Just because we have our bad moments does not mean that we are defined by them.

Sketch Series 1: Feelings (Potential Triggers)

I have been having a tough time coping lately. I have learned that if I draw what I am feeling, I have an easier time dealing with it. I hope that these help other put faces to their emotions, too!

(I apologize for the poor quality of these pictures, I don’t have a scanner at this time)

My first day in the hospital, this is what immediately came to me when I sat down with my book. 

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This is the second drawing I did while I was in the hospital. I didn’t want to go to group therapy, I hated myself, and was in a panic.

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Holy wow, this was a tough one to draw. I have a horrible time managing stress. This drawing was the best way I could vent it to paper. I did this on my second day in the hospital. I was worried about my diagnosis and how long I would have to stay hospitalized.