New Project

Hey guys,

I’m going to be starting a new project to help others and myself by talking about tough issues that can be difficult to talk about in person. Whether it’s mental illness, an eating disorder, tough times at home, bullying, loss, etc. I want this site to be a safe place for people to express themselves and have a support group. 

To start it all off, I will ask anyone who wants to participate to pick a topic that they want to focus on. We will explore healthy ways to deal with our issues, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. (This will more than likely be a first come first serve project OR I will focus on the most popular topics first. Keep in mind I am just getting this started and will take some time to learn how to organize it all so please, bear with me!)

I will write posts covering how I am impacted by certain things and how I personally cope with issues. Obviously, different people will have different opinions on these things. This is just to share and to show that you are NEVER alone. There will always be someone fighting by your side. 💪🏻

That is what I want this project to be: A strong team of people who will be supportive of each other. I know talking about this stuff can be scary, but we will work through it together. ✌😊

If you have any questions or suggested topics already, feel free to contact me. 
DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a medical professional or a trained psychologist. I speak purely from experience and how I personally do or would deal with these issues. You should speak to a medical professional if you feel you need help or contact one of the many free hotlines available 24/7. 

Things I need to get sorted out.

There are a lot of things that have been going through my mind lately that have been either bothering me or holding me back from happiness. So I got to thinking, maybe I should just go through everything, and kick anything that was dragging me down to the curb. Here are a few:

-I need to get my art priorities straightened out. I am talented and should be putting my skills to use. I am currently writing a novel and am taking suggestions for new drawings. However, I have been stuck in a rut for months that feels like it is never going to end. The only way it will change is if I do something about it. 

-I applied for a job. That is a huge thing for me. (No, I’m not lazy. I have a crippling mental disorder that makes it hard for me to even get out of bed in the morning.) It was for an animal care position at a local humane society. Why did I apply here? Because job satisfaction is what I am after now. That means, if I am not going to be happy working at least 50% of the time, then it is not the right job for me. I do not want a crappy job to be the cause of my depression. 

-I have to get my health in line. The last time I was at the doctor, they told me that I was obese and needed to get in better health. This, of course, triggered a massive negative reaction from me. I have been starving myself for weeks and have lost 20+ pounds and am not proud of the way I did it. That should not be the way I lose weight. My husband and I have cut all meat but fish from our diets and that has been a huge help.  I have been trying to exercise at least a little bit every day that I can (I am not self-motivating, I have to be held accountable by someone). My next step is realizing that food isn’t my enemy. 

-My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a while now and so far, no luck. (This is super discouraging for me because I had two miscarriages in a short amount of time awhile back and am worried my body will never be up to the task.) I have planted the thought in my own head that I require a child to be happy. This should NOT be how I think. I shouldn’t feel that I am only valid if I bring life into this world. I should feel valid because I am in this world. 

There is a lot that I need to work on. I am the only person who can make me better. 

A note. (Trigger warning)

I wanted to kill myself tonight. I was almost pushed completely over the edge. It felt like everything was breaking apart. Friendships were failing, family ridiculed me, I hated myself. I felt like entering the void would finally make it all stop. The anxiety, the uncontrollable emotions, the feeling of people constantly judging. 

For whatever reason, I stopped myself. 

And then I found my reason: I am putting MYSELF first for fucking once in my life. So, FUCK YOU all who think ANYTHING negative about me. I don’t need you in MY life in order to be happy.

Love,

Chelsea