Trying to start drawing more

Lately I’ve been avoiding drawing because every time I try, I get so frustrated whenever I make simple mistakes (which happens all the time). I’ve told myself j can’t draw and that’s not the case. My art may not be world class or anything like that, but it’s a piece of me. So, I’m going to start posting whatever I draw on here because why not.

So here is the one I’ve done today. Didn’t spend a lot of time on this little wood elf. Didn’t spend too long on detail and it shows. However, I’m still pretty proud of this one. 

Apologies

Hey guys,

I just want to apologize for not posting anything recently. I’ve been fighting with myself a lot lately and it has killed my motivation to do anything. I promise I am working on some topics I want to cover, but it could still take some time before I publish. So in the meantime, thank you so much for your support and patience. 
-Chelsea

Still Streaming

Hey guys,

 I know a lot of you may or may not be into gaming, but I sure as hell am! For me, gaming can either be a trigger or a release (I avoid playing stressful games on days where I feel a little edgy). I play a wide variety of games from casual to intense. Some of them include Minecraft (PC or console), Deadpool, Peggle, Destiny, Borderlands, Mass Effect, and more. 

I’ve been trying to stream more often on Twitch, but it’s definitely a fight for viewers. So, if you are interested in anything like that, check it out. Maybe you want to see a game you haven’t played before? Maybe you would rather watch someone play it? I try to be as entertaining as possible, but I’m still fairly new to the whole streaming biz. It’s like learning a new trade. I’m pretty decent at video games, now I just need to put my skills to use!

Check me out at twitch.tv/irawesometoo13
Thank you all!

Chelsea

Gonna get slightly political.

If you don’t like or agree with my views, that’s fine, but don’t be a dick.
I wish I understood why politics can make people so mean and blind to the real issues. Why do people want affordable college? Because it’s basically a requirement for people to find a decent job now and when people don’t get an education, people call them uneducated or lazy. (Edit: I want to add on to this. I saw a post about free education for military spouses and people thought that even THAT was overstepping some ridiculous line. Like people were INSULTING military spouses that were taking advantage of the program. Disgusting.) Why do people want a minimum wage increase? Because it is LITERALLY (do some research) impossible to live off of minimum wage, and those are the only jobs some people can get (see my previous statement about education). My husband works 50-60 hour work weeks making more than minimum wage and its barely enough for us to scrape by. That doesn’t mean other people shouldn’t get a pay increase. Teachers, military personnel, nurses, etc. all deserve a better standard of living. And then there’s the “well I don’t want to spend my money on something so stupid/other people.” You already do that. Look at how much money people in the government make. How much of our tax money is spent on crap we don’t even know about?
I guess I just don’t see why people can hate others for just wanting to live, instead of struggle through, life.

New Project

Hey guys,

I’m going to be starting a new project to help others and myself by talking about tough issues that can be difficult to talk about in person. Whether it’s mental illness, an eating disorder, tough times at home, bullying, loss, etc. I want this site to be a safe place for people to express themselves and have a support group. 

To start it all off, I will ask anyone who wants to participate to pick a topic that they want to focus on. We will explore healthy ways to deal with our issues, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. (This will more than likely be a first come first serve project OR I will focus on the most popular topics first. Keep in mind I am just getting this started and will take some time to learn how to organize it all so please, bear with me!)

I will write posts covering how I am impacted by certain things and how I personally cope with issues. Obviously, different people will have different opinions on these things. This is just to share and to show that you are NEVER alone. There will always be someone fighting by your side. 💪🏻

That is what I want this project to be: A strong team of people who will be supportive of each other. I know talking about this stuff can be scary, but we will work through it together. ✌😊

If you have any questions or suggested topics already, feel free to contact me. 
DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a medical professional or a trained psychologist. I speak purely from experience and how I personally do or would deal with these issues. You should speak to a medical professional if you feel you need help or contact one of the many free hotlines available 24/7. 

Things I need to get sorted out.

There are a lot of things that have been going through my mind lately that have been either bothering me or holding me back from happiness. So I got to thinking, maybe I should just go through everything, and kick anything that was dragging me down to the curb. Here are a few:

-I need to get my art priorities straightened out. I am talented and should be putting my skills to use. I am currently writing a novel and am taking suggestions for new drawings. However, I have been stuck in a rut for months that feels like it is never going to end. The only way it will change is if I do something about it. 

-I applied for a job. That is a huge thing for me. (No, I’m not lazy. I have a crippling mental disorder that makes it hard for me to even get out of bed in the morning.) It was for an animal care position at a local humane society. Why did I apply here? Because job satisfaction is what I am after now. That means, if I am not going to be happy working at least 50% of the time, then it is not the right job for me. I do not want a crappy job to be the cause of my depression. 

-I have to get my health in line. The last time I was at the doctor, they told me that I was obese and needed to get in better health. This, of course, triggered a massive negative reaction from me. I have been starving myself for weeks and have lost 20+ pounds and am not proud of the way I did it. That should not be the way I lose weight. My husband and I have cut all meat but fish from our diets and that has been a huge help.  I have been trying to exercise at least a little bit every day that I can (I am not self-motivating, I have to be held accountable by someone). My next step is realizing that food isn’t my enemy. 

-My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a while now and so far, no luck. (This is super discouraging for me because I had two miscarriages in a short amount of time awhile back and am worried my body will never be up to the task.) I have planted the thought in my own head that I require a child to be happy. This should NOT be how I think. I shouldn’t feel that I am only valid if I bring life into this world. I should feel valid because I am in this world. 

There is a lot that I need to work on. I am the only person who can make me better. 

A note. (Trigger warning)

I wanted to kill myself tonight. I was almost pushed completely over the edge. It felt like everything was breaking apart. Friendships were failing, family ridiculed me, I hated myself. I felt like entering the void would finally make it all stop. The anxiety, the uncontrollable emotions, the feeling of people constantly judging. 

For whatever reason, I stopped myself. 

And then I found my reason: I am putting MYSELF first for fucking once in my life. So, FUCK YOU all who think ANYTHING negative about me. I don’t need you in MY life in order to be happy.

Love,

Chelsea

Streaming Now

Hello everyone,

Lately I have been working on my video game streaming on Twitch. I’m trying to make a career out of it.

I have been playing through Mass Effect, my favorite game of all time. But I have also been streaming simpler games like Peggle or Minecraft. If you are interested in video games as much as I am, feel free to watch, suggest games, participate in the chat, or whatever. I have a serious passion for these games and would love to have some more supporters. So please, visit my channel. I will be streaming Mass Effect at 5pm EST today.

http://www.twitch.tv/irawesometoo13

Thanks guys!
Chelsea/Irawesometoo13

It’s been a while.

Hello all,

It’s been a while since I’ve been on again and lately I have been having some pretty rough days. I am off of my medication and it has been a struggle re-adjusting to the full strength of my bipolar disorder. I have gotten better at recognizing when I am about to have an episode, but that doesn’t necessarily make it easier to deal with it. I have moments where I get frustrated with friends, especially if they try to tell me to calm down. I don’t mean to get upset, I just don’t like being told to control my emotions when it is so hard for me to do so to begin with. I’ve been trying so hard to control everything and it tends to lead me into a spiral when I try too hard. I  want to be a stable person, I want to be able to live a normal life, but that isn’t really a possible reality for me anymore. Normal for me is masking my emotions for as long as I can, trying to avoid things that could trigger an episode, and hoping that I can make it through the day. I know this is more of a venting post, but I feel like I needed to say this.

So much going on.

Hello all. 

Sorry it has been so long since I’ve written anything. I have had a lot of stuff going on recently. I’ve been struggling again with my anxiety just because of everything going on. Chris and I moved into a new place and it is pretty nice. We are working on making it our own 🙂 we won’t have Internet for a while so I probably won’t be writing much. I’ll start back up once we get it. I hope you all are well. 

Happy Holidays!

-Chelsea